Where do I begin? When I showed up yesterday to pick Carys up from school, she was sitting in the front waiting at the door. Unusual for her because she just ends up running out to greet me. I usher her out with a big smile, when I realize something is way wrong. No words were spoken but somehow (mommy sense's on high alert). Not right.I walked into her class only to be greeted by her precious teacher and then it came. The worst truth I could imagine.She began to explain to me what Carys had done all day. Let me start this incredible list for you: Scratching a little girl, pantsing (s/p?) a little girl or rather d-skirting her on the playground,saying mean things to one little boy and finally sneaking into the bathroom and trying to grab some other poor innocent little girls underwear while she peed.Ummmm when you are done half cracking a smile or gasping for air I will continue.....
Ok then, all better.. I'll continue.
So as I stand there in horror,the teacher proceeds to ask if anything has happened at home or last night because this is so outta character for Carys in her opinion.I couldn't say anything else but 'I am so sorry'. What else do you say? I didn't know, I still don't. Trust me, I have never thought my girls were angels by any means and quite honestly I believe I am really tough on them but this threw me way way off.
So we get home and after writing apology letters to all whom she offended including her teacher and after spankings and swim class privilege taken away, there was not much else I could do but cry. So since I do that so well, I did that until about 8 last night.
And I won't even go into the many many many things that ran through my head when these kinds of things come up,but I had some good things come out of this.
One of those things was compassion for Carys. Because I tend to be so tough on her, I lose sight of her feeling safe and forgiven with me alot.This was the perfect time for me to try and understand what was going on. And that's when my heart broke for her. Mothering Carys is alot like mothering an adult me. Let me explain..... We are sensitive creatures, her and I, and we can light up a room or bring in down in a blase of glory (or so I have been told). And what and how I say things to her and what and how things are said to me either make me or break me or us.
So I had a choice. Flip out or reflect. Very tough for me, flipping out is such a release at times. But I had to really hear her and think about some things I think she had been saying to me for the past two months that I wrote off as nonsense.
Girls not wanting to be friends, clicking up with each other and or against each other. Yuck, does it really start this young. Well the answer is yes!
In no way to defend her behavior yesterday because nothing excuses that, I do believe Carys snapped. Alot like me when I have been pinned into a corner, socially, and lose it. And in a couple of instances I have witnessed this verbal and physical abuse by another classmate twice her size and have froze in fear. Like I was back in elementary school and couldn't breathe out of straight fear.And I am the adult. There would have been nothing wrong with me just saying,'Umm we don't speak like that and we also keep our hands to ourselves,Thank you'.But I locked up and watched in shock as the mom of this little girl (mind you this little girl has to have at least 30lbs on Carys) just breeze along and say nothing. HUH?!
Did that really just happen?
And I am no stranger to being bullied either. I was bullied alot in school. And apparently still am being bullied in a way.
So to wrap it up, Carys has since been forgiven and loved through this little blip on the screen.
So I just wanted to share because I think everyone has to have something of this sort to bring them down and humble and learn something new about their children.Good or bad.
Bottom line is I want her to know I love her, desire to protect her from harm and teach her to love by my example of friendships that I have with other woman.
5 comments:
zoe... first off that's pretty funny. I mean how clever that she would think to steal the panties! lol! But mom to mom I know what you mean. Sometimes I can get in such mom mode and see all the crazy things that he is doing or has just done and think "come on what the heck is going on.. use your smart brain that I know you have". But a lot of times his actions are a reflection of his feelings. I love that you took the time to think of Carys as like a person and not just a kid. What a great reminder to me! When I really stop to think about the times my kid is being out of control is the times he is just needing my attention, love and time. Thanks for writing this post. How important it is to really find what it is to notice these things in our kids! You're a stellar mom. I love you girl!
What a crazy day for you and Carys. I'm right there with you, except for me it's with Rayna. I don't remember experiencing the terrible two's like this before! But anyhow, you are absolutely right about stepping back to try to figure things out. They always seem to have a reason! Although, I wasn't as smart as you, it took me hearing Daniel asking Rayna if she just needed some attention. And wouldn't you know, it worked! Sounds like you still have some creativity to come up with to help Carys cope with the bully at school. It makes me sad to think all that does start so young! -Kelly
You are the best Mom! You are the perfect person to be Carys' mom and God did that. You are chosing His way to love her & I am so happy for you. god has loved us without a blink of an eye when we have chose to do some really bad things, and aren't we thankful for that mercy & grace. We all grow up, you, Carys, me....a step toward understanding our fault & weakness, recognizing & deciding to change, can help you be used even more for others. I love you, girl! -Linz
Oh Andria.. No disclaimer needed! This is one of the biggest things I admire about you.. your honesty, and your compassion & truth to share your life... good, bad, ugly whatever it may to help the rest of us. Each time I talk to you or read your blogs.. I learn a little more about myself and my parenting. I long for your creativity & wisdom!! Carys is so lucky to have a mommy so understanding, and patient, with an open heart to find out the real truth behind her actions. She is such a doll baby, you and Sam have instilled such great morales in her, that she will always be just fine... I just wish that she didn't have to go through this at such a young age! So please, please, please.. smother her with lots of hugs and kisses from all of us, and let her know how much we love & miss her! As for you.. keep up the good work, you have admirers ;) Love you girlie!
You have one smart girl!
YOU are an amazing Mother...Carys will always get thru because of you!
I love reading your blog because I learn something new each time. Thank you.
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