Oh my precious Carys

So I post this because this made me smile today. Carys was very excited to be a big sister again and told me over and over again how bad she wanted to name the baby, 'Tree-Sky'. Ummmm don't really know where the heck that came from but it made me laugh and she loved it so there ya go, right?! Over the weekend Sam and I had a great loss and telling Carys about it crushed me and her in the same breathe. That had to have been the worst part to the whole thing. She did not get it even in the simplest terms. But as we drove in the car later this week, she asked, 'Mom, why did the baby go to heaven?' And I told her a simple explanation and she replied,' I still wished you would have another baby cause I really wanted that brother.' She has assumed all along that it was a boy. So I said we will someday and she said,' I really wanted him to be Tree-Sky, mom'! So I told her she could call the so-called him that if she wanted. She was through the roof with excitement. It was like all she wanted was to give the baby an identity, which blessed and broke my heart at the same time. Because all I have been thinking is just get through this already. And little did Carys know, she gave me a peace and an identity that I thought I couldn't have for some reason with this baby.I kept thinking how can I be so sad, I have 2 amazing children, I mean some people don't have any and I can't be that broken about this. It was meant to be. Well,that's not true and through the sweetness of my 4 year old I was able to be sad tonight. And it's a good sad . A sad that will ease but it needed to be for awhile. And I will always have this precious letter from Carys showing her love toward me which I know I sometimes do not deserve. And it will always make me smile. Thank you for all your prayers and thoughts. Goodnight